Check out my new blog at Elliott's Mommy.

Happy 1st Birthday Elliott Faith Jensen

We went all out this year, celebrating life, love and this beautiful blessing named Elliott Faith.

Happy Birthday sweet Elliott, we love you.

The gifts

The proud parents

Joe and his mom, Chris

My parents, Tim & Kathy and I

The balloon launch

The purple birthday cake

The spread

Our Gift

Joe and I have received so much love and support from our family, friends and complete strangers that we want to give back in a big way too. Every year on Elliott's birthday we will give a donation to an organization that supports children of all ages, through medical resources, research and development, financial or spiritual support, perinatal hospice and funeral or memorial services. We want to give back and hopefully help another family in need. 

This year we have decided to donate to FIRST, Foundation for Ichthyosis & Related Skin Types. We have been following the story of a beautiful little girl named Brenna and her outstanding family. You can read more about Brenna's story at Blessed by Brenna.

Thank you to everyone who has carried us through this past year. We missed our little girl immensely today, but today was a day filled with love. 

Happy 2nd bday Natasher

Remember this adorable child. She turns 2 today!! Happy birthday Natasher, we are praying for you, your family and your community. May God bless you.

Helping you, help us.

"They say, when you lose a parent you lose your past, when you lose a spouse you lose your present and when you lose a child, you lose your future..."

Oh how very true that is.

Now that we're just a few weeks from what would have been Elliott's first birthday, I wanted to write a post to our family and friends and express to you something we really need....as a part of our future.

There have been several times through out this past year when I've said to Joe, or to my mom, that I just wish people would talk about Elliott more. And each time, I hear back, "do you think that maybe they just don't know what to say."

I get it that, I really do. I've been there before. Standing before a family who has just lost a baby, not knowing what to say, afraid I'll say the wrong thing, afraid I'll hurt them even more.

So what do you say?

You say exactly what's on the tip of your tongue but can't seem to make its way out of your mouth for fear you'll make us cry, or it may be the wrong thing - trust me, if we cry, those are healing tears that were on their way out eventually and now you've just helped us heal a tiny bit more. And if it is the wrong thing to say, we'll recognize that you are our family and friends it was by pure accident and we'll see the best in your love and sympathy for us. It may take us awhile to process that wrong thing you've accidentally said, but one day as were doing something mundane around the house or lying in bed, another sleepless night that wrong thing will find it's way into our thoughts and we'll think about all of the right things you've said and good things you've done for us and we'll let it go and know your intentions were good.

So what do you say, one year later....or  five, ten, twenty years later?

You can tell us you thought about us today.

You can tell us you thought about Elliott today.

You can ask us how we're doing and you let us talk. We may not have much to say that day or perhaps we will.  I still love it when Joe comes home and says to me, "I got to talk about Elliott today." Even if it is a brief conversation of telling someone, yes we had a daughter named Elliott. Those few moments of saying her name out loud, or telling when we had her or even what happened to her, help keep her memory alive and it feels so good to share that.

Don't be afraid to ask us questions like, what did she look like or how much did she weigh. Those questions bring some normalcy to our lives. Yes she died and it's been a difficult process for us, but we'd love to share the common things about her too. Like, she looked just like Joe. All of the nurses told us that. She had alot of hair and long beautiful fingers and she weighed 2 pounds 11 ounces.

You can acknowledge her by include her name on cards to us. She will always be a part of our family and her name will always be included on our cards to you.

You can celebrate her birthday with us, even if just in spirit.

You can allow us time, just as you have to mourn her and celebrate what a blessing she was and will always be in our life.

We do realize that even still some people may just be "uncomfortable" with processing the death of a baby and even more talking to the parents who have lost that child. We'll respect that, but we may not be there for you like you'd like us to. And we ask that you respect that.

But so many more of you have allowed us to share about her and have supported us in so many ways I can't even list them all out. THANK YOU!

Over Christmas we received many lovely Christmas cards, and a dear friend of mine wrote on hers to us, The Jensen Family. Perhaps that was her way of including Elliott or not, but as I read those words, Jensen Family, my heart was touched as I thought of Elliott and how she will always be a part of our family.

One last note - please don't worry about saying the wrong thing to us - the absolute worst thing you can say to a family who has lost a baby, child, teenager - is to say nothing at all.

Here's to our future, to honoring and remembering Elliott and always celebrating what a true blessing she has been to us.

The 3rd is for Elliott

I think I'm finally ready to begin working on her scrapbook. 

My goal is to have it finished by February 3rd, just in time for a little celebration.

Goodbye to 2012

It is my prayer that this is the last goodbye we have to say for a very long time. Saying goodbye to 2012 was very bittersweet. I felt sad going into the new year's eve celebrations. I felt as though saying goodbye to 2012 was one more step in saying goodbye to Elliott. Even though she's gone and we've said so many goodbyes already and in just a little over one month we'll be celebrating her 1st birthday, this is all still so hard for me. Part of me feels that in grieving for Elliott I am loving her, that grieving for her is my role as her mother, because I didn't get to experience anything beyond that. I think I'm scared that if I stop grieving for her, stop talking about her, stop blogging about her, stop crying for her  - then everyone else will forget about her.

I must sound a bit crazy at this point. That's an awful lot of pressure to put on just one person, right. See I can psycho-therapy myself haha. At least at this point, I can laugh about things.

But in all seriousness, I didn't want this year to be over just yet. There's alot I'm holding on to about last year but I'm going to work very hard at holding on to the good memories of Elliott, the pregnancy, the special bond that I shared with her, seeing her for the first time, the amazing photographs we have that I will cherish forever and ever, all of the birthdays to come where we will celebrate Elliott's life, and to our future children who we will share about Elliott with.

We received many thoughtful Christmas gifts this year and several beautiful ornaments made in Elliott's memory. Thank you Leslie, Mom and Mrs. Kroll from Joe's work. One of my friends, Brooke, created a tree just for her beautiful daughter Charlotte who passed away this past year and I think I may have to copy Brooke's creative idea for Elliott's tree next year :).

One other gift we received really, truly touched my heart and that was a gift from my brother Chris, sister in law Molly and niece Ireland. Here are this pictures below;

Faith

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith
- and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift of God
- Ephesians  2:8

Hope

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
- Jeremiah 29:11

Love

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud...
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
- Corinthians 13:4-8

As Joe and I unwrapped the gift, Molly explained why they chose each one for us. She said that Faith stood for our faith in the Lord during our difficult trial with Elliott and how our Faith shined through as we walked through a very difficult pregnancy and the loss of our daughter.

Hope stood for our hope in our future, our future family and in each other.

And, Love stood for the love we have for Elliott and each other.

Through tear soaked eyes I smiled at Molly and hugged and thanked her. Their gift meant so much to us and even more as she explained what each word meant for us. For her to see all of that through our trial was truly eye opening for me and inspiring to me. Faith, Hope and Love - that is what I want to remember about Elliott, about 2012 and Faith, Hope and Love is what I want to take into 2013 and many years to come.

In 2012, we said goodbye to our daughter Elliott and to the dreams and hopes that snowball in the minds of first time parents.

But we also said goodbye to many other things, to fear, anger, bitterness, jealousy and the deepest darkest sadness I pray to never experience again.

There is so much I want to say hello to in 2013 and I did make a new year's resolution. To give back in Elliott's name and let her memory live on through me. I want to give back to all who gave to us, in big ways and small, through the love and compassion that was shown to us last year.

So goodbye to 2012 and thank you God for all of the blessings that came out of a very difficult trial and loss in our lives. It's been a process but I am so thankful I can see those blessing now. And, I can't wait to frame these pictures and get them up in our home.

Merry Christmas to some very special families

Last month I found a page on Facebook called the Remember Together Swap, a Christmas ornament exchange for families who have lost children. I entered Joe and I in the exchange and we were told we would receive a homemade ornament from another family just for Elliott. In return we were given the name of another family and made an ornament for them. A few days after receiving the name of the baby we were going to make an ornament for I began looking for ideas online. I looked through Pinterest a few times and finally came up with an idea. However, as I was making the ornament for the family we were given through the exchange I thought that I would make the ornaments for some other special families we know.

I covered 2 in x 2 in blocks of wood with decorative paper using mod podge. One side of each block lists the baby's name, birth date, a silhouette and the quote; "Because someone we love is in Heaven, a little bit of Heaven is in our home."

Merry Christmas, love Joe, Kim and our angel Elliott.

Angel Wings

For this year's annual Christmas cookie exchange with some friends here in Michigan, I found a recipe I couldn't pass up called...Angel Wings

I found the recipe in one of my favorite cooking magazines, the Food Network Magazine. These little cookies were so much fun to make and super easy. They are best when hot and fresh and taste a bit like those delicious funnel cakes from the fair. Only these have lemon zest added for some fresh zing. Love them.

 '
At last year's cookie exchange I was pregnant with Elliott. I love to cook and bake and to do that with Elliott would have been a dream come true. I can picture her in the kitchen with me, covered in flour and sugar, licking the icing and and sprinkles off her fingers. Maybe it's so easy to picture because recently I received this picture of my niece Ireland making cookies with my brother and sister in law. Ireland is a beautiful reminder of Elliott for us. When Elliott was born, she had the longest fingers and my mom said her hands looked just like Ireland's.

Angel Wings recipe (Food Network)
2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for dusting
1/2 cup sour cream
4 large egg yolks
2 tablespoons honey
1/2 teaspoon finely grated lemon zest (I use more)
1/2 teaspoon salt
Vegetable oil, for frying
2 cups confectioners' sugar

Combine the flour, sour cream, egg yolks, honey, lemon zest and salt in a stand mixer fitted with a dough hook attachment. (or a hand mixer with 1 beater as I used) Mix on meduim-high speed until the dough comes together and begins to pull away from the bowl, 3-4 minutes. (if you use a hand mixer, you will need to use your hands to form the dough into a ball). Turn out onto a floured surface and knead until smooth, about 5 minutes. Divide into 2 balls, loosely cover with plastic wrap and let sit at room temperature, 1 hour.

Roll out each ball on a floured surface into a 12-inch square, about 1/8 inch thick. Cut each square into 7 strips, then cut each strip crosswise into thirds (you will have 42 squares). One at a time, make a 1 inch slit lengthwise down the center of each rectangle; lift a short end and thread it through the slit, then pull out and twist in the middle so it looks like a bow.

Heat about 3 inches of vegetable oil in a pot over medium heat until a deep-fry thermometer registers 350. Fry 5-7 cookies at a time, turning until deep brown, 2-3 minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels. Toss in the confectioners' sugar. Store in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

For you sweet Elliott.

Sandy Hook Elementary, I am praying To God for you

As like many of you, I spent all day yesterday following the news of the horrible massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary. I watched the news into the late evening, went to sleep thinking of the families and woke up thinking of those same families.

I know what it's like to lose a baby, our baby Elliott, who we love with all of our hearts, who we wanted with all of our hearts, and who we miss with all of our hearts.

BUT, I can not even fathom what it's like to have your child murdered, a child who you've seen grow into their sweet, loving, charismatic self each day. To know everything about them, what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, to know their fun little ways, their dreams, their smiles, their hugs and their "I love yous". All of that gone, in an instant, and why?

It was around 9pm last night that I could feel the shock of the news wearing off and the reality setting in of the grieving families. I started to feel physically sick myself, reliving the loss of Elliott and those initial days when she was no longer with us. I remember the day of her funeral I had cried so hard that day and as I was walking upstairs to our bedroom to go to sleep I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. I didn't even recognize myself, the pain I felt on the inside was truly reflected on the outside, my face distorted from pain, brows furrowed, eyes squinted shut from the puffiness of crying all day. I had seen what I looked like after crying plenty of times, but this was different. I could truly see the pain in my soul on my face. It was ugly. I looked ugly, I thought to myself at that moment this is an ugly place in our lives. I laid down in bed that night and for the first (and only) time I prayed to God that I would not wake up the next morning. I didn't think I could possibly live beyond that ugliness. The loss of a child is ugly. The men and women who murder these innocent people are ugly. The evil in our world is ugly.

The imbalance in our world is beyond me. How do we possibly change things? Why does it take tragedies like September 11th to come together as a country, to love our neighbors like ourselves, to be unified, or for a massacre at an elementary school for it to be "politically correct" to say we have to pray for these families, yet prayer and God are banned from schools. And we have to be so sensitive to one another's feeling for fear we will offend them with the slightest talk of "religion" or "faith" or God. Come on!!!

I don't care who I offend. I believe in God. I am a follower of Christ, I pray to the Lord my God, to Jesus Christ who lived and died for me.

And what breaks my heart even more, and history has shown, that in just a few short months or maybe a year we will all move on, we will stop talking about those innocent children and adults who were murdered, we will stop praying for those families, and we will go back our lives, to a country so divided on every political issue, a country full of people so engrossed in their own agenda that they can't even see beyond themselves to what their family, friends and or neighbors needs are. And, before we know it we will be watching the news again, watching another horrible tragedy play out before our eyes and all we will say is, we have to pray for these families.

But what have we done since then.

It saddened me to hear a news castor say last night, "We're hoping some of these children are young enough that they will forget and not remember this day." Seriously! How can you possibly think that. Think back to when you were a child and all of the things you remember. I remember the very first time I got my name on the board in kindergarten. At 5 years old that was a tragedy to me and I still remember it to this day. How, HOW can you possibly think that these kids will not remember this day. They will remember and they are victims too. They may not remember every detail, but they will remember and it will shape who they become.

We shape the future for our children, as parents, siblings, aunt and uncles, as neighbors, teachers, coaches, law enforcement and political leaders...

What is it going to take to make a change? I'm not just proposing this, I'm seriously asking myself this just like each of you are? What is it truly going to take? I wish I had the answers.

I wish I could do something, say something to the families in Connecticut.  I guess all I can do all the way from Michigan, like so many in our country are doing, is pray To GOD for them. I pray that God will provide them with peace in their hearts like He did mine, I pray that He will provide them with strength to face every day from this point on like He has for me, I pray that He will show them love and compassion through their families, friends, neighbors and complete strangers like He did for me and I pray that in time He will show them the good in this world and not just the ugly like He has shown me.

Christmas time is here...

For those of you who do not know my husband Joe, he brings joy and laughter wherever he goes. He's goofy, entertaining and witty but beneath all of that he is caring, sincere and has one of the biggest hearts I know. A few days after Thanksgiving, in a grumpy pitiful tone I said to Joe, "if this was a normal year, I would have already had the tree up, so if you want it up just tell me...", his response was - "This is Elliott's first Chrstimas in Heaven, we have to put it up."

On Sunday we attended a candle light service at Vermeulen Funeral Home. It was a special night for all of the families there and as we lit our candle we said our loved one's name out loud for all to hear. This is for you sweet Elliott.

Tonight Joe and I will be going to Glory of Christmas at our church. We attended last year as well and I remember feeling so many emotions at one time. I felt overwhelming sadness, brokenness and grief - yet I felt peace, joy and so very very blessed. Even knowing Elliott's prognosis, I felt blessed to have gotten pregnant and experiencing that amazing feeling of seeing a positive pregnancy test. I felt blessed to have experienced Elliott's kicks in my belly. My favorite thing to eat while I was pregnant with her was orange jello with those little oranges in it. She would move around like crazy after I would eat it and I cherished those memories so much. I felt blessed for the time I, we had with her. Elliott's loss has certainly taken it's toll on me. I've had some pretty ugly days and I will never be the same. I've been living in this grief cloud for a long time but I feel it lifting. This year I'm looking forward to another evening with Joe and another powerful and inspirational Glory of Christmas performance.

Dear Lord, I have so much to be thankful for and to give You praise over. I'm so blessed and this year I want to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. I may not be able to bring myself to go shopping at the mall and I may cry while wrapping every gift this year but I will continue to honor You, give glory to You and celebrate the birth of Jesus.

The 3rd is for Elliott

Elliott holding Janet's hand

Me holding Joe's hand

Thankfulness

The days leading up to Thanksgiving were emotional just as to be expected. During the seven hour drive home to visit family and friends we were reminded of her absence by the silence in the car. No giggling baby playing in her car seat, no fussy tears from a little girl tired of being buckled up for hours upon hours. No silly kids songs playing on the radio to pass the time. Our bags are packed with familiar items, our clothes, not hers. Books, phones and computers to steal away the silence and distract us from the void.

We stopped at McDonalds for lunch half way home and at the table next to us sat a mom and dad with their three girls. Three! I found myself thinking, why did they get three? Isn't that horrible. I hate those moments, of bitterness, jealousy, frustration. Another family enters in, two more little girls run in to the bathroom. My eyes can only focus on the chicken salad in front of me that I no longer have any appetite to eat. I miss Elliott so much.

Joe looks up and says,..."I feel like there are a million little girls in this place". That's what the weight of her being gone is like. Two, three become hundreds, almost suffocating.

It's only after being back in the cold, back in our car, just the two of us, some thirty miles away from that McDonalds that I feel like I can breath again. And I thank God for those little girls, those blessing to their parents. And I thank God for Elliott.

Is it wrong for me to just want her here with us. To dress her in her First Thanksgiving shirt, let her lick a bit of chocolate from the cake I made, snuggle her in our arms late at night as we sit with the rest of our family.

At one point during our drive home, I said to Joe, lets just turn around and go back home.

I'm so glad we didn't. I'm glad we traveled home to my parents. I'm grateful for the time I spent cooking in the kitchen with my mom and talking. I'm glad she was there to give me a hug after I cried because the pot of sugar boiling on the stove boiled over - twice. She knew the true reason for the tears.

I'm grateful for my family this Thanksgiving day, for my cousin Steph for hosting, her daughter Vanessa for saying grace and my nephew Jensen for filling my empty arms for a few hours during the day. I'm thankful for my cousin Jill who lets me know she's thinking of us in one way or another just about every week.

I'm thankful for Joe's mom showing me the Sock Kitty she bought for Elliott and is now kept as a reminder of her.

I'm thankful for my husband for being by my side each and every day.

We're blessed beyond measure with amazing friends and family. I would list you all out name by name if I could and all that you've done for us.

And I'm thankful for Elliott. I'm thankful for the time we had with her and the memories we have of her.

The gooey chocolate pumpkin spice cake I made.
Tastes better than it looks but wanted to show what took way to long to make.

Jensen opening his birthday gift from us.
I can't believe this big guy is 1 already.

My parents planted a Crimson Maple tree for Elliott in their front yard.
It will  have purple leaves. 

From my devotional Saturday morning;
Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. That is why I have instructed you to give thanks for everything. There is an element of mystery in this transaction: You give Me thanks (regardless of your feelings), and I give you Joy (regardless of your circumstances). This is a spiritual act of obedience - at times, blind obedience. To people who don't know Me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank Me for heartrending hardships. Nonetheless, those who obey Me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties may remain.
Thankfulness opens your heart to My Presence and your mind to My thoughts. You may still be in the same place, with the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been switched on, enabling you to see from My perspective. It is the Light of My Presence that removes the sting of adversity. 
Ephesians 5:20; Psalm 118:1; Psalm 89:15.

Elliott's Story

Last month Joe and I were asked to speak at a fundraiser for Perinatal Hospice of Washtenaw County. Janet Holtz, Director of Perintal Hospice helped us immensely throughout the pregnancy and during Elliott's birth. Her services are unique and of great importance to families experiencing a pregnancy with a terminal prognosis.

Joe and I with Janet Holtz

A few of our favorite pictures of Elliott

Memory boxes and information on Perinatal Hospice

Names of the babies Janet has helped over the years

The fundraiser was held at Christ the King Parish in Ann Arbor Michigan and included an evening of music by renowned composer and musician Eric Genuis and his Violinist, Alena Merimee, Cellist Sophie Webber and Soprano Holly Sedillos. His music is absolutely beautiful and more information about him can be found here. 

Joe and I with Eric Genuis

After listening to our video for the first time, I realized we left out one of the most important points, that Elliott was a gift from God, a true blessing and we are so thankful for her. Only God truly knows how long, or short, our lives will be. And as I've said before, life is not defined by days, months or years, it is fined by love. So love God with all of your heart, mind and soul. Love your family, love them with all of your heart, forgive them for their ways, their mistakes, those hurtful words they can't take back. Life is too short not too. Love your friends and don't hesitate to make new ones. You never know, they may just be the very ones that carry you through the darkest days of your life. Love your husband or wife to the fullest. Joe was my rock, my strength from the very day we knew of Elliott's prognosis. He was strong when I couldn't be. He held me every day that I cried and held back his own tears. He went to work every day and faced the impossible with grace while I stayed at home, hid from the world and sought safety in the comfort of these four walls. Joe handled the hardest details, the planning of Elliott's funeral, holding his first born and pouring all the love a daddy could offer in just one short hour, and handing her fragile body over to the funeral staff so I didn't have to. In the days following he made sure everyone else was ok before he even began to think about what he needed. Joe is an amazing husband and father.

A view of the beautiful church

This opportunity was truly a blessing and we are so thankful to Janet for asking us to speak. My parents were able to make the trip to Michigan from Illinois to be with us. They graciously agreed to video tape our speech and as you will find in watching our video it was an emotional evening for everyone. We decided not to edit the video but to give it to you raw, just as we spoke that night, with raw emotions and truth. Please forgive the shaky video.

 

The 3rd is for Elliott

In this month of Thanksgiving we share how thankful we are for our sweet Elliott. She has changed our lives and touched our hearts in ways we never thought possible. She is forever our daughter and we her parents and one day we will get to spend eternity with this precious little angel. 

We are so thankful.

We made it through another one

We made it through Halloween. I dreaded the days and even hours leading up to seeing the cute little kids in their costumes smiling and eagerly waiting for their bags to be filled with candy. This year I purposely stayed in the background, behind my husband and friends, behind the bonfire that shielded me from seeing the smiles on their faces, the cute pinks and purples of the little girls' dresses. The cold helped numb the pain and before I knew it, it was over. Maybe it was the weather, the cold or spitting rain that kept them away but the trick-or-treaters were few this year and I will admit I was happy about that.

How did we do this last year? I sat around the same bonfire with our friends and passed out the candy, I smiled into the eyes of the little ones and even said how cute they were. Was I incomplete denial? Was I in survival mode? Or was I just carrying out the motions, or was God carrying me through that moment showering us with joy in the midst of our storm - I think he was and so I choose to look back on last year's Halloween with Elliott as a happy memory.

This year was definitely different, but thank you Lord for our friends, they've become like our second family here and they bring so much joy to our hearts. I'm glad we did go to be with them.

I barely remember Easter this year. What I do remember is telling Joe we can't spend Easter with my family because it will be too hard to see all of the little kids. I hated those words coming out of my mouth. I love my family and I love all of the babies. But I just couldn't bring myself to go home. So this year we spent Easter with Joe's family, his mom, step-dad and sister. We had a nice time, and who better to be with than Joe's family when not with mine. Upon walking into Joe's sister's apartment I saw several pictures of Elliott and I wanted to cry so bad. Not because I was sad at that moment but because it meant so much to me that Leslie was proud of her niece Elliott and put those pictures out. I held the tears back because I wanted to be "strong" but Les - thank you! 

I hate that our loss has distanced me from some of the people I love most. There are so many days when I want to call or return an email right away but I just struggle with the words or strength to be happy for you in those moments, but please know I still love you just the same. Please give me grace and know that in time I will be a good friend again.

It's a constant prayer of mine that the sadness, jealousy and bitterness continues to fade and stays away.

Last year we spent Thanksgiving with Joe's family and Christmas with mine. This year the holidays will be flipped. Last year I put out all of the decorations and we took pictures in front of the tree showing off my growing belly. I guess we were trying to find some normalcy during such a difficult time. And it was while we were packing up the Christmas tree last year that we choose the name Faith as Elliott's middle name.

And I'm holding on to that faith each and every day like it's the last twig on the tree ready to snap in half and let me fall down, down, down.

This year, I can't even bring myself to go into the closet that holds our ornaments. 

I've been told it gets easier with time, that you get better at living life in spite of the pain. Some days it's so hard to believe that, but those words have come from mommy's just like me. 

One year ago today

We were told that Elliott had complications incompatible with life and that practically everything regarding her body and organs were abnormal. That she was a 1 in 10,000 baby.

We can't imagine what our life would be like today had we not of been strong enough to do what we knew was right in our hearts, had we not met our sweet little baby girl. Elliott was truly a gift in so many ways.

"Life is not defined by it's timeline, by years, days, hours or even a few sweet minutes, 

It is defined by love." 

I find comfort in this

Jesus Calling Devotional by Sarah Young

Be prepared to suffer for Me, in My name. All suffering has meaning in My kingdom. Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely – even thanking Me for them – is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends our ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles

When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My name, offering it up to Me for My purpose. Thus, your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness.

James 1:3-4, Psalms 107:21-22

Look to Me continually for help, comfort and companionship. Because I am always by your side, the briefest glance can connect you with Me. When you look to Me for help, it flows freely from My presence. This recognition of your need for Me, in small matters as well as in large ones, keeps you spiritually alive.

When you need comfort, I love to enfold you in my arms. I enable you not only to feel comforted but also to be a channel through whom I comfort others. Thus you are doubly blessed, because a living channel absorbs some of whatever flows through it.

My constant Companionship is the piece de resistance: the summit of salvation blessings. No matter what losses you experience in your life, no one can take away this glorious gift.

Psalm 34:4-6, Psalm 105:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I hope others will too.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Wave of Light for October 15th

Everyone is invited to light a candle on October 15th at 7pm in ALL Time Zones

 ALL OVER THE WORLD.

If eveyrone lights a candle at 7pm and keeps it burning for at least an hour, there will be a continuous WAVE OF LIGHT over the entire world on October 15th, for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

Read More Here;

http://www.october15th.com/

Perinatal Hospice

The time has come when we get to say thank you to a wonderful woman named Janet and support her work with Perinatal Hospice and Joe and I cannot wait to stand before a crowd of 500+ people and share our story about Elliott and how Janet helped us along the way.

I don't know if we will ever have the words to describe what Janet did for us but we've spent hours working on our speech and praying for God to speak through us and give us the strength to get on that stage and pour out our thanks to her.

Janet volunteers her time to come along families going through similar situations as ours and guides them through the pregnancy, delivery and what follows. She offers a variety of services to families, from in home lamaze classes to help with birth plans and funeral arrangements and so much more. All of her services and time spent with the family is free and she truly makes herself available day and night. The day we unexpectedly went in to labor with Elliott, Joe called Janet and within hours she was at the hospital with us.

We feel blessed to have been introduced to Janet and for the information and services she provided Joe, Elliott and I.

This Saturday a fundraiser will be held at Christ the King Parish in Ann Arbor at 7:30pm, including a concert with accomplished composer and pianist Eric Genuis. Eric and his wife have had two newborn losses and alot of his music is dedicated to the memory of their babies. The concert is open to the public and free to attend and a goodwill offering will be collected at the end for Perinatal Hospice.

If anyone would like to make a donation to Janet you can send a check to Perinatal Hospice, PO Box 2102, Ann Arbor MI 48106. Please make the check to Perinatal Hospice and put Elliott Jensen in the memo line. Some of the money donated in Elliott's name is used to purchase the book I Will Carry You, by Angie Smith. I read this book during the pregnancy and felt a connection with the author. This book mentored me, ministered to me and helped me during the pregnancy. It is a story very similar to ours and now Janet donates this book to families she works with. The money will also be used to purchase memory boxes. While it may just seem like a simple little box, these memory boxes are cherished by the families.

We are incredibly thankful to Janet and for this opportunity to talk about Elliott.

holidays

At certain moments I find myself thinking about unpacking those fall decorations and putting them out in the house. As I walk through the isles in the stores my focus turns to the creative halloween witches and at times I think it would be fun to bring home some pumkins for Joe and I to carve out.

But it's just not in me this year.

How we got through them last year I don't know. Maybe it's because Elliott was still with us, maybe it's because our family and friends walked on pins and needles around us carefully choosing their words and while never really knowing what to say to us...said it all in a hug, or a prayer or a card or a call.

If I didn't have a job, if I didn't have a wonderful husband, if I didn't have an amazing family and friends and if I didn't have my faith, I would crawl back into bed and sleep from now until January 1st...