One year ago today

We were told that Elliott had complications incompatible with life and that practically everything regarding her body and organs were abnormal. That she was a 1 in 10,000 baby.

We can't imagine what our life would be like today had we not of been strong enough to do what we knew was right in our hearts, had we not met our sweet little baby girl. Elliott was truly a gift in so many ways.

"Life is not defined by it's timeline, by years, days, hours or even a few sweet minutes, 

It is defined by love." 

I find comfort in this

Jesus Calling Devotional by Sarah Young

Be prepared to suffer for Me, in My name. All suffering has meaning in My kingdom. Pain and problems are opportunities to demonstrate your trust in Me. Bearing your circumstances bravely – even thanking Me for them – is one of the highest forms of praise. This sacrifice of thanksgiving rings golden-toned bells of Joy throughout heavenly realms. On earth also, your patient suffering sends our ripples of good tidings in ever-widening circles

When suffering strikes, remember that I am sovereign and that I can bring good out of everything. Do not try to run from pain or hide from problems. Instead, accept adversity in My name, offering it up to Me for My purpose. Thus, your suffering gains meaning and draws you closer to Me. Joy emerges from the ashes of adversity through your trust and thankfulness.

James 1:3-4, Psalms 107:21-22

Look to Me continually for help, comfort and companionship. Because I am always by your side, the briefest glance can connect you with Me. When you look to Me for help, it flows freely from My presence. This recognition of your need for Me, in small matters as well as in large ones, keeps you spiritually alive.

When you need comfort, I love to enfold you in my arms. I enable you not only to feel comforted but also to be a channel through whom I comfort others. Thus you are doubly blessed, because a living channel absorbs some of whatever flows through it.

My constant Companionship is the piece de resistance: the summit of salvation blessings. No matter what losses you experience in your life, no one can take away this glorious gift.

Psalm 34:4-6, Psalm 105:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I hope others will too.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Wave of Light for October 15th

Everyone is invited to light a candle on October 15th at 7pm in ALL Time Zones

 ALL OVER THE WORLD.

If eveyrone lights a candle at 7pm and keeps it burning for at least an hour, there will be a continuous WAVE OF LIGHT over the entire world on October 15th, for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

Read More Here;

http://www.october15th.com/

Perinatal Hospice

The time has come when we get to say thank you to a wonderful woman named Janet and support her work with Perinatal Hospice and Joe and I cannot wait to stand before a crowd of 500+ people and share our story about Elliott and how Janet helped us along the way.

I don't know if we will ever have the words to describe what Janet did for us but we've spent hours working on our speech and praying for God to speak through us and give us the strength to get on that stage and pour out our thanks to her.

Janet volunteers her time to come along families going through similar situations as ours and guides them through the pregnancy, delivery and what follows. She offers a variety of services to families, from in home lamaze classes to help with birth plans and funeral arrangements and so much more. All of her services and time spent with the family is free and she truly makes herself available day and night. The day we unexpectedly went in to labor with Elliott, Joe called Janet and within hours she was at the hospital with us.

We feel blessed to have been introduced to Janet and for the information and services she provided Joe, Elliott and I.

This Saturday a fundraiser will be held at Christ the King Parish in Ann Arbor at 7:30pm, including a concert with accomplished composer and pianist Eric Genuis. Eric and his wife have had two newborn losses and alot of his music is dedicated to the memory of their babies. The concert is open to the public and free to attend and a goodwill offering will be collected at the end for Perinatal Hospice.

If anyone would like to make a donation to Janet you can send a check to Perinatal Hospice, PO Box 2102, Ann Arbor MI 48106. Please make the check to Perinatal Hospice and put Elliott Jensen in the memo line. Some of the money donated in Elliott's name is used to purchase the book I Will Carry You, by Angie Smith. I read this book during the pregnancy and felt a connection with the author. This book mentored me, ministered to me and helped me during the pregnancy. It is a story very similar to ours and now Janet donates this book to families she works with. The money will also be used to purchase memory boxes. While it may just seem like a simple little box, these memory boxes are cherished by the families.

We are incredibly thankful to Janet and for this opportunity to talk about Elliott.

holidays

At certain moments I find myself thinking about unpacking those fall decorations and putting them out in the house. As I walk through the isles in the stores my focus turns to the creative halloween witches and at times I think it would be fun to bring home some pumkins for Joe and I to carve out.

But it's just not in me this year.

How we got through them last year I don't know. Maybe it's because Elliott was still with us, maybe it's because our family and friends walked on pins and needles around us carefully choosing their words and while never really knowing what to say to us...said it all in a hug, or a prayer or a card or a call.

If I didn't have a job, if I didn't have a wonderful husband, if I didn't have an amazing family and friends and if I didn't have my faith, I would crawl back into bed and sleep from now until January 1st...

The 3rd is for Elliott

While we held you in our hands for just a short time,
we hold you in our hearts forever

Changing Seasons

Just as the seasons are changing, I feel as though our season of life is changing too.

This past week I had an early morning appointment with a new obgyn, no I am not pregnant yet, but as I was driving to work after the appointment I noticed for the first time that the leaves are beginning to change. There was far less traffic on the road and so my mind wandered as I thought about how quickly time goes by, how fast seasons change and where we were just 7 short months ago.

This has been a very hard, very sad and very life changing season for Joe and I. I in no way want to rush through the grieving, or move forward to quickly after loosing Elliott and the thought of an exciting healthy pregnancy erasing the memory of our sweet Elliott brings a knot the size of a melon to my throat.

But seasons change and time moves forward and thankfully God's grace and mercy has carried us along the way.

The appointment with our new doctor went very well.  I prayed for weeks leading up to the doctor's appointment that we would meet a doctor who would be sensitive, compassionate, understanding and supportive. Thank you God for answering my prayer.

Our new doctor spent a very long time with me as I shared about Elliott, the pregnancy, the complications, my fears and anxieties about moving forward and getting pregnant again and much more. He showed empathy and professionalism and said without a doubt that he too believes we will have a healthy pregnancy and baby. He reassured us that we could call or email him anytime regarding any concerns or questions. He said he would support us and anything we needed. I feel so comfortable with him and I am so happy that this is one less thing to worry about as my mind is already filled with so many other fears and worries.


I have this horrible fear of flying. I never used to be afraid to fly, but over the years my fear has gotten worse and even after one successful flight after another I'm still terrified to fly. But, I do it. And of all things; Joe and I flew to Las Vegas to get married! -shows how much I really love him huh :).

Anyway, in June we flew to Riviera Maya, Mexico for Joe's cousin's wedding. My anxiety leading up to the flight was overwhelming and I was even beginning to wonder if I would even get on the darn plane. I had packed my Dramamine and said my prayers but just as we were about to walk out the door I grabbed a book my friend Lynne gave me months ago called, The Secret Power of Speaking God's Word by Joyce Meyer (my mom loves Joyce Meyer by the way) and I turned to the section on anxiety and worry. And this is what I read and memorized;

"I am strong, courageous, and firm; I fear not and am not in terror, for it is the Lord my God Who goes with me; He will not fail me or forsake me.'" - Deuteronomy 31:6.

I said this verse over and over on the flights to and from. And I've kept saying it since. I say it over and over when I feel scared about getting pregnant. I say it over and over when the weight of Elliott's death paralyzes me and keeps me from wanting to leave the house. I say it over and over when I step foot on the hospital floor at work and those memories of Elliott's last breath flood my mind. I say it and I believe it!

These words give me strength, God gives me strength. Thank you Lord for being strong when I am weak.

I recently started another bible study and it just so happens to be in the book of Deuteronomy (coincidence?) called the Law of Love, Lessons from the pages of Deuteronomy. Another Beth Moore series.

Last week Beth shared all about God 's love for us and she spoke in depth about the love of a parent towards a child. My eyes full of tears, I sat and listened knowing full well what that love means and praying with all of my heart that it will be God's will for us to have and love a healthy child here on earth.

I feel as though I've grown so much since the beginning of the pregnancy with Elliott. I feel stronger, more secure in who I am, more committed to my faith and growing relationship with the Lord

and I feel ready for this new season in life.