Saturday with Joe

We had purchased our tickets months ago for a big night at our church called Glory of Christmas. An amazing production by the staff and volunteers of Northridge Church, an orchestra, singing, dancing, acting and "The Greatest Story Never Told", the story of Simon. This was the first time we have been back to Northridge since receiving the news about Ellliott. We both were excited to go, Northridge is so much more than just a church, its another home to us. We've met so many great friends there, joined bible studies, were baptized and I work a part-time job at the church daycare. -So why did I completely avoid a family I knew from a bible study back in October?? It was during intermission and I had to use the restroom, walking back down to our seats I recognized a couple I knew but put my head down as I walked past them. I'm showing so much these days and knew they would ask and congratulate me. Joe and I had talked so much about wanting to start a family during that bible study, so they would have been thrilled for us. I felt so guilty as I took my seat, I should have said hello. But I was having such a good day, it was emotional enough to see the little children in the play and I just didn't want to have to "fake it" or crush them with our bad news. I didn't want to cry today.

GOC ended around 3, leaving a few hours before dinner. We headed to IKEA to purchase a few bookshelves. Walking to checkout we passed through the kids section. Its such an intense feeling to be pregnant and walk past baby items, sometimes I acknowledge them, look at the cloths and touch the soft blankets and other times I completely zone out and just get through it. Joe joked around about how smart IKEA is to put this section before the checkout and we scanned around the room. I know this is so hard on him too, we should be buying baby items right now and decorating the nursery.

We headed to one of our favorite little towns for dinner. Walking through the downtown square we passed Christmas trees decorated for those who have passed away. Pictures of babies and toddlers caught my eye but I just couldn't stop to focus on them right now. In the car ride to Plymouth for dinner Joe and I laughed about inside jokes and were in good spirits and I wanted to keep things that way. Our waitress was sweet and asked me if I was expecting after I had ordered a virgin bloody mary. I touched my belly and smiled answering yes in April. We continued to tell her it was a girl and when she asked if we had chosen a name there was a slight pause. The last time a "stranger" asked us this it was the RN in the ER and we just said we were keeping it a secret. We really weren't but for some reason it was difficult to say her name out loud. Joe and I looked at each other and he said her name to the waitress. Elliott is her name and saying it out loud does really bring it all to life somehow. You'd think my big belly and the pregnancy aches and pains would too but there is something about saying her name out loud that it so different. Her name is Elliott and she is here, she is our daughter and I love her so very much. I don't care how tiny she may be, what she may look like - she's our beautiful baby girl.

I've been reading alot of books lately and one in particular is of another family's experience. This mother talks about all of the places they took their daughter while pregnant and talks about all of the things she said out loud to her. Its been hard for me to talk out loud to Elliott but I'm really going to try. I want her to know my voice. I do want people to ask about her too. Like at Thanksgiving, Joe's sister Leslie touched my belly. It caught me a little by surprise but I loved it and we both smiled. She asked about the baby and I told her it was a girl. It meant alot to me that she had asked about things. The other day my mom called to tell me she had bought Christmas tree ornaments for the grand babies and asked if she could get one for Elliott - yes, please. It made me so happy. My mom's been so supportive during this time, asking just about every day how are we doing, telling us she's thrilled we get to feel Elliott's kicks and telling us every time we hang up the phone she loves the three of us, me, Joe and Elliott. We love you too mom.