Changing Seasons

Just as the seasons are changing, I feel as though our season of life is changing too.

This past week I had an early morning appointment with a new obgyn, no I am not pregnant yet, but as I was driving to work after the appointment I noticed for the first time that the leaves are beginning to change. There was far less traffic on the road and so my mind wandered as I thought about how quickly time goes by, how fast seasons change and where we were just 7 short months ago.

This has been a very hard, very sad and very life changing season for Joe and I. I in no way want to rush through the grieving, or move forward to quickly after loosing Elliott and the thought of an exciting healthy pregnancy erasing the memory of our sweet Elliott brings a knot the size of a melon to my throat.

But seasons change and time moves forward and thankfully God's grace and mercy has carried us along the way.

The appointment with our new doctor went very well.  I prayed for weeks leading up to the doctor's appointment that we would meet a doctor who would be sensitive, compassionate, understanding and supportive. Thank you God for answering my prayer.

Our new doctor spent a very long time with me as I shared about Elliott, the pregnancy, the complications, my fears and anxieties about moving forward and getting pregnant again and much more. He showed empathy and professionalism and said without a doubt that he too believes we will have a healthy pregnancy and baby. He reassured us that we could call or email him anytime regarding any concerns or questions. He said he would support us and anything we needed. I feel so comfortable with him and I am so happy that this is one less thing to worry about as my mind is already filled with so many other fears and worries.


I have this horrible fear of flying. I never used to be afraid to fly, but over the years my fear has gotten worse and even after one successful flight after another I'm still terrified to fly. But, I do it. And of all things; Joe and I flew to Las Vegas to get married! -shows how much I really love him huh :).

Anyway, in June we flew to Riviera Maya, Mexico for Joe's cousin's wedding. My anxiety leading up to the flight was overwhelming and I was even beginning to wonder if I would even get on the darn plane. I had packed my Dramamine and said my prayers but just as we were about to walk out the door I grabbed a book my friend Lynne gave me months ago called, The Secret Power of Speaking God's Word by Joyce Meyer (my mom loves Joyce Meyer by the way) and I turned to the section on anxiety and worry. And this is what I read and memorized;

"I am strong, courageous, and firm; I fear not and am not in terror, for it is the Lord my God Who goes with me; He will not fail me or forsake me.'" - Deuteronomy 31:6.

I said this verse over and over on the flights to and from. And I've kept saying it since. I say it over and over when I feel scared about getting pregnant. I say it over and over when the weight of Elliott's death paralyzes me and keeps me from wanting to leave the house. I say it over and over when I step foot on the hospital floor at work and those memories of Elliott's last breath flood my mind. I say it and I believe it!

These words give me strength, God gives me strength. Thank you Lord for being strong when I am weak.

I recently started another bible study and it just so happens to be in the book of Deuteronomy (coincidence?) called the Law of Love, Lessons from the pages of Deuteronomy. Another Beth Moore series.

Last week Beth shared all about God 's love for us and she spoke in depth about the love of a parent towards a child. My eyes full of tears, I sat and listened knowing full well what that love means and praying with all of my heart that it will be God's will for us to have and love a healthy child here on earth.

I feel as though I've grown so much since the beginning of the pregnancy with Elliott. I feel stronger, more secure in who I am, more committed to my faith and growing relationship with the Lord

and I feel ready for this new season in life.