Thankfulness

The days leading up to Thanksgiving were emotional just as to be expected. During the seven hour drive home to visit family and friends we were reminded of her absence by the silence in the car. No giggling baby playing in her car seat, no fussy tears from a little girl tired of being buckled up for hours upon hours. No silly kids songs playing on the radio to pass the time. Our bags are packed with familiar items, our clothes, not hers. Books, phones and computers to steal away the silence and distract us from the void.

We stopped at McDonalds for lunch half way home and at the table next to us sat a mom and dad with their three girls. Three! I found myself thinking, why did they get three? Isn't that horrible. I hate those moments, of bitterness, jealousy, frustration. Another family enters in, two more little girls run in to the bathroom. My eyes can only focus on the chicken salad in front of me that I no longer have any appetite to eat. I miss Elliott so much.

Joe looks up and says,..."I feel like there are a million little girls in this place". That's what the weight of her being gone is like. Two, three become hundreds, almost suffocating.

It's only after being back in the cold, back in our car, just the two of us, some thirty miles away from that McDonalds that I feel like I can breath again. And I thank God for those little girls, those blessing to their parents. And I thank God for Elliott.

Is it wrong for me to just want her here with us. To dress her in her First Thanksgiving shirt, let her lick a bit of chocolate from the cake I made, snuggle her in our arms late at night as we sit with the rest of our family.

At one point during our drive home, I said to Joe, lets just turn around and go back home.

I'm so glad we didn't. I'm glad we traveled home to my parents. I'm grateful for the time I spent cooking in the kitchen with my mom and talking. I'm glad she was there to give me a hug after I cried because the pot of sugar boiling on the stove boiled over - twice. She knew the true reason for the tears.

I'm grateful for my family this Thanksgiving day, for my cousin Steph for hosting, her daughter Vanessa for saying grace and my nephew Jensen for filling my empty arms for a few hours during the day. I'm thankful for my cousin Jill who lets me know she's thinking of us in one way or another just about every week.

I'm thankful for Joe's mom showing me the Sock Kitty she bought for Elliott and is now kept as a reminder of her.

I'm thankful for my husband for being by my side each and every day.

We're blessed beyond measure with amazing friends and family. I would list you all out name by name if I could and all that you've done for us.

And I'm thankful for Elliott. I'm thankful for the time we had with her and the memories we have of her.

The gooey chocolate pumpkin spice cake I made.
Tastes better than it looks but wanted to show what took way to long to make.

Jensen opening his birthday gift from us.
I can't believe this big guy is 1 already.

My parents planted a Crimson Maple tree for Elliott in their front yard.
It will  have purple leaves. 

From my devotional Saturday morning;
Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. That is why I have instructed you to give thanks for everything. There is an element of mystery in this transaction: You give Me thanks (regardless of your feelings), and I give you Joy (regardless of your circumstances). This is a spiritual act of obedience - at times, blind obedience. To people who don't know Me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank Me for heartrending hardships. Nonetheless, those who obey Me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties may remain.
Thankfulness opens your heart to My Presence and your mind to My thoughts. You may still be in the same place, with the same set of circumstances, but it is as if a light has been switched on, enabling you to see from My perspective. It is the Light of My Presence that removes the sting of adversity. 
Ephesians 5:20; Psalm 118:1; Psalm 89:15.