Christmas time is here...

For those of you who do not know my husband Joe, he brings joy and laughter wherever he goes. He's goofy, entertaining and witty but beneath all of that he is caring, sincere and has one of the biggest hearts I know. A few days after Thanksgiving, in a grumpy pitiful tone I said to Joe, "if this was a normal year, I would have already had the tree up, so if you want it up just tell me...", his response was - "This is Elliott's first Chrstimas in Heaven, we have to put it up."

On Sunday we attended a candle light service at Vermeulen Funeral Home. It was a special night for all of the families there and as we lit our candle we said our loved one's name out loud for all to hear. This is for you sweet Elliott.

Tonight Joe and I will be going to Glory of Christmas at our church. We attended last year as well and I remember feeling so many emotions at one time. I felt overwhelming sadness, brokenness and grief - yet I felt peace, joy and so very very blessed. Even knowing Elliott's prognosis, I felt blessed to have gotten pregnant and experiencing that amazing feeling of seeing a positive pregnancy test. I felt blessed to have experienced Elliott's kicks in my belly. My favorite thing to eat while I was pregnant with her was orange jello with those little oranges in it. She would move around like crazy after I would eat it and I cherished those memories so much. I felt blessed for the time I, we had with her. Elliott's loss has certainly taken it's toll on me. I've had some pretty ugly days and I will never be the same. I've been living in this grief cloud for a long time but I feel it lifting. This year I'm looking forward to another evening with Joe and another powerful and inspirational Glory of Christmas performance.

Dear Lord, I have so much to be thankful for and to give You praise over. I'm so blessed and this year I want to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. I may not be able to bring myself to go shopping at the mall and I may cry while wrapping every gift this year but I will continue to honor You, give glory to You and celebrate the birth of Jesus.