Sandy Hook Elementary, I am praying To God for you

As like many of you, I spent all day yesterday following the news of the horrible massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary. I watched the news into the late evening, went to sleep thinking of the families and woke up thinking of those same families.

I know what it's like to lose a baby, our baby Elliott, who we love with all of our hearts, who we wanted with all of our hearts, and who we miss with all of our hearts.

BUT, I can not even fathom what it's like to have your child murdered, a child who you've seen grow into their sweet, loving, charismatic self each day. To know everything about them, what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, to know their fun little ways, their dreams, their smiles, their hugs and their "I love yous". All of that gone, in an instant, and why?

It was around 9pm last night that I could feel the shock of the news wearing off and the reality setting in of the grieving families. I started to feel physically sick myself, reliving the loss of Elliott and those initial days when she was no longer with us. I remember the day of her funeral I had cried so hard that day and as I was walking upstairs to our bedroom to go to sleep I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror. I didn't even recognize myself, the pain I felt on the inside was truly reflected on the outside, my face distorted from pain, brows furrowed, eyes squinted shut from the puffiness of crying all day. I had seen what I looked like after crying plenty of times, but this was different. I could truly see the pain in my soul on my face. It was ugly. I looked ugly, I thought to myself at that moment this is an ugly place in our lives. I laid down in bed that night and for the first (and only) time I prayed to God that I would not wake up the next morning. I didn't think I could possibly live beyond that ugliness. The loss of a child is ugly. The men and women who murder these innocent people are ugly. The evil in our world is ugly.

The imbalance in our world is beyond me. How do we possibly change things? Why does it take tragedies like September 11th to come together as a country, to love our neighbors like ourselves, to be unified, or for a massacre at an elementary school for it to be "politically correct" to say we have to pray for these families, yet prayer and God are banned from schools. And we have to be so sensitive to one another's feeling for fear we will offend them with the slightest talk of "religion" or "faith" or God. Come on!!!

I don't care who I offend. I believe in God. I am a follower of Christ, I pray to the Lord my God, to Jesus Christ who lived and died for me.

And what breaks my heart even more, and history has shown, that in just a few short months or maybe a year we will all move on, we will stop talking about those innocent children and adults who were murdered, we will stop praying for those families, and we will go back our lives, to a country so divided on every political issue, a country full of people so engrossed in their own agenda that they can't even see beyond themselves to what their family, friends and or neighbors needs are. And, before we know it we will be watching the news again, watching another horrible tragedy play out before our eyes and all we will say is, we have to pray for these families.

But what have we done since then.

It saddened me to hear a news castor say last night, "We're hoping some of these children are young enough that they will forget and not remember this day." Seriously! How can you possibly think that. Think back to when you were a child and all of the things you remember. I remember the very first time I got my name on the board in kindergarten. At 5 years old that was a tragedy to me and I still remember it to this day. How, HOW can you possibly think that these kids will not remember this day. They will remember and they are victims too. They may not remember every detail, but they will remember and it will shape who they become.

We shape the future for our children, as parents, siblings, aunt and uncles, as neighbors, teachers, coaches, law enforcement and political leaders...

What is it going to take to make a change? I'm not just proposing this, I'm seriously asking myself this just like each of you are? What is it truly going to take? I wish I had the answers.

I wish I could do something, say something to the families in Connecticut.  I guess all I can do all the way from Michigan, like so many in our country are doing, is pray To GOD for them. I pray that God will provide them with peace in their hearts like He did mine, I pray that He will provide them with strength to face every day from this point on like He has for me, I pray that He will show them love and compassion through their families, friends, neighbors and complete strangers like He did for me and I pray that in time He will show them the good in this world and not just the ugly like He has shown me.