I miss Elliott so much. That's how I feel today and everyday.
I've begun to wonder if I should keep this blog going, I don't even know if anyone's reading it anymore and frankly the grieving process has left me with very little to say that I want to share or am ready to share, but a huge part of me doesn't want my blog about Elliott to end here. I feel like if I stop this blog now it's just one more thing to say goodbye to and we've already said goodbye to so much.
When people ask how I'm doing all I can say is ok..I have bad days and not so bad days and alot of ups and downs throughout each day. I'm experiencing alot of emotions that I didn't have throughout the pregnancy and that in itself is a struggle; intense feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, frustration, fear and asking over and over WHY WHY WHY!!!
I am struggling in my walk with God and struggling to see the purpose of what he's put us through and why he's taken our sweet Elliott so soon.
But, I will not give up on God or my faith and in time we will get through this. We will never get over the loss of Elliott, the loss of our first child, our first daughter and the dream of taking care of her and watching her grow up. So please don't ever say to us, we've had enough time to grieve. With God's blessing we will have more children but those children will never replace our sweet Elliott, so please don't ever say to us we still have time to have a family and be parents because we already are. When strangers ask us if we have any children I'm going to answer truthfully and say yes, we have one beautiful baby girl Elliott Faith in heaven, and I don't care how uncomfortable it makes them feel. I know others will move on much faster than us but please don't stop saying her name or asking to see her pictures or talking to us about Elliott.
I miss her so much.
Don't stop writing! I have been checking in on you daily...and I know a lot of my blog followers have been as well. I know exactly how you feel right now....that is how I felt around October....when Charlotte just wasn't getting better. Trust me it gets easier with time. I like you have struggles everyday when I have a thought about Charlotte! But then I smile knowing she is better in heaven. I totally agree with you about always telling people you have a child (bc you do!!) and talking about her. I love it when people ask me about Charlotte or tell me they have been thinking about her. It makes me realize even more now that Charlotte is in heaven....because she is all around...not only touching my life but my friends. I DO wish more then anything that she was here....it is hard for me to watch moms/babies together...but I know that I will (and you too!) get to experience it someday soon! I hope this all made sense...i was rambling! BTW....I would love to see pictures of your angel...hands/feet...whatever you want to share!
ReplyDeleteHello, I have been following your blog since the week after you lost your precious little girl. Your posts have been so honest and it is impossible for anyone to understand what it is like unless they have been in your shoes. Your strength throughout has been amazing (I went back and read every post.) Your family has been in my prayers. It is unfair and cruel to give anyone a timeline to process the loss of the miracle of a child or a loved one. Continue to be strong. I know there is at least one person still thinking of you that you have never even met.
ReplyDeleteDon't ever stop writing about her, because no one will ever forget her. Elliott is the sweetest most precious part of all of our families. We will never stop saying her name or celebrating her life. We think about her everyday and even as time helps heal you and Joe, we will all continue to love your sweet daughter. It would be impossible to forget such a beautiful baby girl with her pretty red lips just like her mommy and hair just like her daddy.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is inspirational and I know it is helping families in ways you may never know. Elliott's life has more purpose than we will ever know, she is God's angel and you and Joe will always be her parents.
Love you all, Abbie and Jordan
Id like you to know that I think about Elliott everyday & wished she could have had a life that all children have. She is and always will be your sweet precious daughter....so continue to talk about her and have the feelings you're having!
ReplyDeleteI know you are a Christian like me & I believe that we all have a purpose that God has given us in our lifetime here on earth. Elliott completed her purpose and that is why God has taken her. Although it may seem unfair to you that she left and never had a chance at life...always remember that God wanted her for some special reason. I know she is wrapped in his loving arms and he is glowing with his sweet creation. We love you 3.....Aunt Mary
Kim, I check your blog about every other day to see if there are any new posts. I think about you everyday and how you are a strong, caring, loving, selfless mother. I think about Elliott too. I thought about Elliott yesterday and how she is three weeks.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the feelings you go through and if you ever need someone to listen,talk,scream,laugh,cry whatever with you I am always here. Jill
I found your blog through Brooke's site, and I hadn't seen it since the end of January. I happened upon it tonight as I was laying here in bed and was saddened to read your more recent posts and about your loss of your sweet daughter. The photos you have of the moments you shared together are priceless. As a photographer myself, I know how much those must mean to you. I am so very sorry that you lost your daughter, but 'lose' is probably the wrong word to use. You have faith of exactly where she is. Becoming a mother makes you acutely aware of how easily you could lose your child, whether to illness or accident - it makes me hurt to even imagine it, yet I know (and you know) it happens every day. It simply must be the worst pain a woman can feel in the world. I pray for you and your husband, for your sadness and grief, for you to find strength you didn't know you had, for you to find comfort in places you didn't expect, but mostly just to have love and support from those around you. Your openness and honesty will draw people to you that can give you that, and I wouldn't be surprised if others turned to you to get through similar situations. Many blessings to you and your family and prayers to you. Thinking of your sweet Elliott.
ReplyDeleteTrust me, you will NEVER be done mourning. It has been almost five years since I lost my best friend, and when I least expect it, I see something, hear something and at the snap of a finger I'm back to that dark Friday when I got the news. No child can EVER replace Elliott, my parents have two living children, but they are the parents of five, including three tiny, beautiful angels. I know I haven't taken the place of my lost siblings, but through the pain of loss, my parents were given the gift of life. Elliott will always be in your heart, and whatever future siblings she has, they will always know of their beautiful big sister watching over them. If you EVER need to talk about anything, want to vent, cry, whatever, please don't hesitate to email me, csorrill@hotmail.com. My thoughts are continually with you all, and I pray God shines His loving peace upon your family and heart. You will always be parents, you became parents as soon as God placed sweet Elliott into your tummy. :)
ReplyDeletefound your blog on blessed with brenna, your story is so heartwarming and can touch so many who cant write their feelings out, so continue writing about her till the journey is complete, or you are called home to be with her..by sharing your feelings and thoughts you are healing yourself and helping countless others...she is a beautiful child and would never want to be forgotten or lost, and as long as you speak of her, she wont be...she may be in the care of the Father, but you carried her and a part of her remains here residing in your heart...i lost a child between my first and second, and just a few years ago God answered my prayer and told me that our son Eli was doing well and to not worry about him...i look forward to seeing him some day, and embracing the son i never got to hold...keep faith, you will also see her again
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