Finding joy in other's happiness

(November, 2011)

The first weekend in November we attended our good friend's son's birthday party. The morning of the party we went shopping for gifts and I remember walking through the isles with Joe. I started feeling sad but the store was busy so I pushed out the feelings. I wish we could pick up something for our baby. As we walked to the car I asked Joe if it was hard for him to look at all of the baby stuff. He said no, because he didn't really equate the two. Today we were buying gifts for two adorable, precious kids and today was a day of happiness and celebration. I love Joe's positive attitude. From that moment on, I decided to believe in the same. Despite what we are going through it is ok to be happy for our family and friends.

On November 11, 2011 my sister delivered a beautiful healthy 8lb, 20 inches long sweet baby boy with a head full of hair. I originally didn't think I could make it home but I did and I am so happy I was there to be with her and meet my new nephew. It was amazing watching my sister become a new mommy during those first few days. And it was even more amazing to see her son. I got to hold him alot and liked to hold him out in front of me so I could look at his face. So much hair, eyes that look just like Jen's, a tiny nose and mouth and the chubbiest cheeks. My favorite thing to do was tickle his cheeks with my finger and watch all of the sweet expressions his face made. I would just look at him and think, wow, I have so so much love for this little guy and I'm just his aunt. I can only imagine how Jen feels at his mother. I'm so happy for her.

During those days at the hospital I had to face alot of realities as well. I stood outside the nursery and watched as the doctors examined all of the babies and I couldn't help but think of our Elliott and all of the complications she has. I thought about how I will go in to the hospital like every other pregnant woman does but I will not leave the same. It was a very emotional and difficult time for me but one I will never regret. I'm so thankful my sister allowed me to be a part of it. I was still able to see and feel the joy and happiness of being a new mommy and I hope someday in the future I will be able to experience what it is really supposed to be like. Jen gave me hope for that.